working it out

It’s my day off.  I’m not out having exciting adventures.  Nor am I relaxing and spoiling myself.  I’m struggling with today.  (There, I admitted it, go me, eh?)

I’m having a huge wobble about Guide camp this weekend.  Mentally, I’m doing better than I was a few months (even a few weeks) ago, but I still don’t think I’m in a fit state to be in charge of 24 girls.

I’m trying to work through it.  I just finished knitting part III of the triptych, and it’s blocking right now.  I’ve mounted part I.  Part II needs ends weaving in and mounting.  As I’ve got the heating on in a vain attempt to dry the clothes we need for camp, so I reckon there’s just a chance I can get all three parts dry and mounted before I go. I’m properly excited about this one. I think I’ve actually made real the idea that was in my head.

But I’m not going to show you until it’s properly finished… and as it’s rather grey here, it may well be the middle of next week before I get a decent photo.

Tools of the trade:

Yes, this is work.  It’s taken me 30 years to stop apologising for how I choose to spend my time, and to take the things I make seriously. This is not just a hobby, this is what I want to do, what I need to do; this is me.  I may have to fit it around the work-that-pays-the-bills, but this is no less important.  Interesting thought: if I show that I value what I do, will people take my valuation, or will it still just be a comedy hobby?  Maybe if I ditched some of the flippancy?  I’m not sure I know how to do that after all this time…

You know what?  I’m feeling better than when I started writing this at 9.30 this morning.

Making things has got me through worse days than this.  One day I’ll write about The Quilt.  It is singular and capitalised as I’m not sure whether I ever will make another.

I may even summon the strength to tackle my to-do list and pack for c*** whilst I wait for things to dry.  Why am I worrying?  It will all be fine, as a wise friend told me earlier.

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7 Comments

Filed under crafting

7 responses to “working it out

  1. dawn

    Well done on being able to admit that it’s a struggling sort of day. But go you on the creative front, for me being creative is as neceassary as breathing or reading and without any of them I don’t function well.
    People who are important value creativity and those who don’t see it as a value aren’t worth worrying about (I was going to say don’t count, but that is too harsh, it’s accepting that for them they have other priorities which may well not be things I can really comprehend as important). Hope that makes sense – it did in my head!
    And I’m sure that camp will be ok – I’d trust you to take my kids away and make sure they have a fabulous time. Fingers crossed for the weather not being too bad (but it is the 24 hour Mountain Mayhem bike ride this weekend so I suspect it may not be at its best…)

  2. I’d trust you with my kids as well, and that is saying something!

    And I love your attitude to your creative work. It is of value.

  3. Jackie

    If it’s any consolation I too will be camping in the rain. We have 30 Guides with us and only 3 of them have camped as Guides before… I suspect we’ll need the medicine.

  4. Heather

    You are bloody brave to attempt camp at all. I would not. I think there’s something faintly heroic about taking all those teenagers away. Shudders quietly. IV Gin?

    Why shouldn’t you value your knitting. Seems to me that it does for you what writing does for me. Regretably one does not get paid for it but it seems to me that the things that matter rarely result on cold hard cash unless one is incredibly lucky. If you do it for love and do it anyway surely it matters more.

  5. Glad that by the end you were feeling better than at 9.30am and you definitely should value your creativity and all the more cos it may not pay the bills but it helps with getting through the day. Hugs xx

  6. How wonderful that what you do to ‘get through’ results in more beautiful things in the world! I am so glad that knitting is more popular now, though I still stick to wearable items not ‘art’ I would not be without my knitting – ever.
    I hope you are fine for camp Nicola, but don’t feel like you have to do it if you can’t. Looking after yourself must come first.
    Look forward to seeing the creation soon.

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