I have an escape planned for this weekend, in fact starting right after work tomorrow afternoon, which means I really should pack at some point, but yet again I’m mired in the Paperwork of Doom. (Yes, yes, OK, I would be more likely to get it done if I stopped wittering online, but I’ve hit a point (again) where I am unable to manage another word on the observation and assessment of perfectly normal and happy small children any longer without a break. The work pile has been significantly, if not sufficiently, diminished. Everyone else is in bed and I am now bribing myself unashamedly with thoughts of yarn. My fingers are itching with the urge to pick up some knitting.)
I’ve been pondering the idea of escape, specifically escaping from vs escaping to. I spent January to April longing to escape from… well… pretty much my entire life really. Even once I’d stopped wanting to die, I didn’t want to be living this life. I got very whingy and tedious to listen to at this point, going round in circles looking for answers. Depression took away my belief in a future, never mind my ability to plan for one. For what seemed like a small eternity, there was nothing to look forward to. The return of gleeful anticipation was how I knew I was starting to improve.
So tomorrow, Big Girl and I are off to the Lake District (we consider this to be a more crucial part of her creative education than school.) We’ll be staying at
Pardshaw with lovely Friends and friends, and visiting Woolfest
We did the same trip last year, and I have the most glorious memories, of stroking yarn, climbing hills, swimming in the lake, and most of all, sitting on the wall, just talking and being.
I held on to those memories through some very bad times. There were a couple of days in April I’m not sure I’d have got through unharmed without the picture of the wall Dawn sent me as a reminder.
I’ve been looking forward to this weekend since then. June has turned out ludicrously busy, but this is the one thing I’ve refused to compromise on. My weekend of peace sandwiched between Guide camp and Brownie holiday.
To be honest, there’s still a great deal in my life that I’m desperate to escape from, but that’s not the purpose of this weekend. This time I’m escaping to.
I’m hoping to go to Meeting on Sunday. This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, but have lacked the courage. I am terrified and elated in equal parts, but seem to lack the words to elaborate on this one.