in the wrong

I think I just failed How To Break Important News To Your Children.

 

We had a long conversation this afternoon, when he got in from work.  Just the two of us.  Going round and round in circles.  He loves me.  He thinks we should try.  It will be alright this time, now we’ve admitted there’s a problem.  We can fix it.

 

I hate these conversations.

 

I hate that if I speak the truth, it hurts him.  Because it’s pretty damned blunt.  That I can’t see any kind of future for the two of us; that I just want some space; that I feel trapped living with him.  I can hear how negative that must sound, but it’s how it is from where I’m standing.  I ran out of positives years ago.  I hate that if I stay quiet, trying not to hurt him any more, he sees that as a hopeful sign.

 

So, tonight, I finally told the kids.  That we’re holidaying separately.  Taking turns.   Swopping them over somewhere in North Wales.  Mummy and daddy aren’t getting on very well, but we both really love all of you.  All the cliches in the book.

 

“Do you want to kill each other?”

“Is this about kissing?”

“I think I’ll go to bed now.”

 

That made me realise how young two of them are, and vow to make time for a proper talk with the big one tomorrow.  I felt we had to tell them together, but she obviously felt caught in the middle between the two of us.

 

Ghastly.

 

And I’m so angry that he said nothing at all to the children.  Not one word.  So I get to be The One To Blame.  The One Who Wants To Break Up The Family.

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “in the wrong

  1. cara

    he’s finally admitted there’s a problem, but you can’t see how your’e going to change, ever love him again, but he loves you. How much do you want to change? do you really want to change or do you want him to change? If so into what?
    I’ve been in similar circles and left mick twice, the second time was a year ago, I just didn’t want to be here. We told the kids and it sucked, but I still went.
    Perspective, try it and see if apart you can both get some, because right now you both are looking at it from a me point rather than a couple.
    Someone else has said that time apart may claryfy things and it may seem cliched but it’s true, without the finality that I’m not really sure you want or necassarily need.
    I really hope that whatever you’ve decided it’s right for all of you, for someone whom words are important, these ones between you and Jim need to be honest and spoken. Talk a lot, circles sometimes lead to other routes and consequences may be different.
    I’m a person who finds writing difficult, it doesn’t always say what I want it to without sounding abrupt, but it’s not meant like that. As for the kids, they won’t blame any particular person because you will explain it’s a joint decision not anyone’s fault, just the way things are and you both need to stick to it until you come to a final decision as to where things are going. Just keep offering the the support they need.
    take care

  2. Oh hon *hugs* your children are smart. They know that Daddy Doesn’t Talk About Stuff, but that you do, and they won’t blame either of you just because you’re the one to tell them first.

  3. Can hear your pain – such a tough thing to have to do. Hope you can accept that a child’s life is not supposed to be completely without problems – if it is it does not fit them for the real world. This will be difficult for them, but you are not in the wrong, you are doing what is right for you. And they will see that you will be a happier mother for it. Especially if you are the one who is prepared to talk to them and you resist apportioning blame (even when it seems due). Hopefully they are also too young to notice that these things you say are cliches – and they became cliches because you are not the first person to need to say them.

  4. Nell

    Late to this. Don’t really have words or advice. But am still here, still reading, still love you and the kids and really really really need to find a day (or more) to see you before the end of the holidays. Love and hugs xxx

  5. Liz

    *hugs* Thinking of you.

  6. *Massive hugs for you all*
    Telling the kids is the worst bit, in my experience. Holding ALL of you in my thoughts, and you know where we are. x

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