empty nest

I’ve just waved goodbye to my children, until a week on Monday. It’s far too long to be apart; we all know it. Those eleven days are stretching out ahead of me as a soggy featureless eternity right now. I have good things planned in the middle, but I’m dreading the empty days at either end.

I’ve been away from them often enough, but it seems that I can’t cope with being the one left behind, alone in a family home, full of reminders of the three of them. I know other parents cope with this kind of separation (or worse) all the time, but right now, I’m not coping at all. I just need them all to be here with me, within touching distance.

In a way, this is my test, whether I’m really serious. Because I can all too easily imagine a future where I decide to stay, to pretend it’s all fine, to put up and shut up, just so I can have them here with me, always. Because I need them, perhaps more than they need me.

I was so close to jumping in that car, begging them to let me come too. I’m not sure what stopped me- misplaced pride, or self-preservation?



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2 responses to “empty nest

  1. dawn

    Many hugs – it’s always much harder to be the one left behind. Can you make plans for those “empty days” – maybe now is the time to think about doing some felting or other project that is hard to manage when daily life and children have to be fitted in too.
    I’m away for the weekend but will have the mobile on some of the time and will be thinking of you lots.

  2. I’ll talk you into felting if you like…very theraputic.

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