to do list

– find home to rent

– move self and worldly goods

– become strong independent woman and do not weep constantly over the seeming impossibility of doing above all alone

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10 Comments

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10 responses to “to do list

  1. Okay, I know I don’t normally comment, but having done all this myself in the past, you are sooo capable of it all! Homes are available, you have a budget, that will be done when you find the place that suits you. Moving self and goods is all about hiring what you can afford, and harrassing folk you know to help. In this, do not feel shy about asking ANYONE you meet to help! Most people will be happy to.
    Doing things alone. In this, ostensibly I can’t help, I’m in quite a good relationship. But, I want to say really strongly, that in some ways that doesn’t matter. I have been through quite a lot in recent years, and I have to say, no matter what your support network, when you are in pain, you are alone. No matter that we are a social network, in reallife or online, suffering can only be done individually. But what that means is that, because you are suffering you feel alone, but when that suffering lets up some, you realise that so many people are there for you. And they want to help, and they can’t help with some of what is in your head, but they can help sometimes, when you let them. Being a strong, independent woman is about being in control of your destiny, it doesn’t mean you have to be alone. Even married, I am independent. I love my hubby, but am aware that he is as needy in some ways as me, we support each other where we can, and have friends support us as well, but some times we have to do it ourself.
    I hope this helps somewhat, and I havent said to much, Thinking of you xxx

  2. Don’t worry about the weeping, tis not a sign of weakness, just of humanity. You are being forced into a rotten position. Cliches all but one step at a time and accept help where offered. If you need more info about how rental market works give me a call and will offer what knowledge I have. It will all be worth it in the end and never forget this relationship has given you your wonderful kids.

  3. Stella

    Just wanted to let you know that just because I haven’t said anything over the last few weeks, it doesn’t mean I’m not listening, and here for you if you need me.

  4. I saw a saying the other week which is a trite clich̩, but is also true Рtears are not a sign of weakness, but that you have been too strong for too long.

    I don’t know how to bring a final end to a relationship, I’ve not been there. However something in me is screaming that it shouldn’t be you and the kids who move, it should be Jim. That said, moving out may be the only way to bring an end, as he doesn’t seem to be able to do so any other way.

    You can do whatever you need to do – and we will be here whenever you need us.

    • My initial view was that he should go. But, you know, I’ve argued for equality all my life, and there’s no real reason why having two x-chromosomes entitles you to stay in the ‘marital home.’ I’ve come to the conclusion that some things are worth fighting for, but very few of them are material possessions.

      • Stella

        I have a friend here who moved out of the marital home with the children, and is now back in it. Not back together, just back in. It made more sense to him after some time and space between them.

      • I think my feeling is like many others, that the two x-chromosomes just make you the person your kids need the most, and moving is one more disruption for them. But your words are very wise, and a fresh start may just be what all of you need (as well as possibly the only way to make any progress).

      • It wasn’t an equality thing, just thinking that it is easier to move one person than four. However ease of move is not the only thing and you if moving out is the necessary way, then you can do it.

  5. Nell

    Some sensible words above not sure I have much advice to offer. But I am hear, am listening, and have a pair of hands willing to help move boxes or look at houses or anything else. Love and hugs xxx

  6. Jane

    I’d love to be able to add to the sensible words above. It only seems impossible because you haven’t started. It’ll be much easier when you start. Things that are concrete are less overwhelming than things that are imaginary.

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