a revenge post by guest blogger, B

Firstly,

To Heather,

Thank you for the food parcel you sent me. I am extremely grateful.

I am keeping the gin until I am 18. Or I might give it to my mother if she is EXTRASTREMEMELY kind to me. Regretfully, I must inform you that my parents are guilty of DRINKING COFFEE! I am sure you will be very greatly appalled by this, but probably not very surprised.

 

I have to say, although my mother is cruel and heartless, she has not made me go out with the greengrocer’s son (or daughter), which I am most relieved about. Also, she has not gone to the extreme of rationing toilet paper. When I told her about that she exclaimed “eewww” very loudly.

Thank you for not sending me spam, custard powder, dried eggs or scented soap.

Yours Sincerely,

B

Also,

TO EVERYONE READING THIS BLOG,

MY MOTHER IS CRUEL AND HEARTLESS AND HAS BEEN STARVING ME (as I am sure you are all aware of by now). SHE HAS ALSO BEEN DRINKING COFFEE, AND SAYS I HAVE TO GIVE HER THE GIN! IT’S DREADFUL! HOW A GROWN WOMAN LIKE HER CAN ACT LIKE THIS I DO NOT KNOW! (Well actually I do because she has been like this all my life) BUT THAT IS NOT THE POINT! PLEASE SOMEBODY (other than Heather who already has) SAVE ME FROM A FATE WORSE THAN DEATH!!!!

(I think I may have a diseased mind. Terry Pratchett wrote in his book ‘ERIC’: ‘ “Multiple exclamation marks,” he went on, shaking his head, “are a sure sign of a diseased mind.” ’)

And Finally,

You will all be glad to hear that rationing ends tomorrow, because it is 4th July 1954 (metaphorically). I am overjoyed.

HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Diseased mind…)

By B (with some input from A

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14 Comments

Filed under food, insanity of the offspring

14 responses to “a revenge post by guest blogger, B

  1. I love it.

    That is all.

    (Well almost all. Well done B! And hurrah for tomorrow!)

  2. Catriona

    Love it!

    (Hope there is lots of sugar tomorrow).

    • Heather

      I sent B enough sugar to make him and his sisters high as kites… You can do things like that when you live about 200 miles away and do not have to deal with the consequences…

  3. You guys are awesome! Hurrah for 1954!

  4. Yay for 1954. And do you know, that was DURING MY LIFETIME, which makes me HORRIBLY OLD. But I was younger then than my grandson is now, so I don’t actually remember having a ration-book!

    • Heather

      Mum was 4 when sweet rationing ended and she remembers going with my Grandad to buy as many sweeties as she could eat! Apparently my grandmother most unkindly did not let her eat them all at once.

  5. Stella

    Dear B (and A)

    I am not surprised that your mother has been drinking coffee, but I am not appalled.

    The innocence of youth means you do not understand quite what a lack of coffee does to adults. One day you will understand that her cheating was only out of kindness to you.

    I have very much enjoyed your mother’s ‘experiment’ even if you haven’t, and your blog post has been the icing on the cake.

    Hurray for the end of rationing. I would drink to that, but you have the gin.

    Yours Sincerely

    Stella (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

  6. katherinea

    I think your mother should have made you all use Izal.

  7. Gnome

    There are no words for how much I have enjoyed this series. Thank you all.

    B – families work on the paying forward principle. One day, you can be this heartless to the next generation.

  8. Rosie

    *keels over laughing* Actual win. Esp the Terry Pratchett reference. I’ve loved the series too.

  9. aitchemelle

    I’ve loved this series too! Sorry B, your mother is a genius!

  10. Liz

    Are you taking suggestions for which time period you’ll eat from next?

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