I’ve gone quiet.  I’m not having a very good week or two.   Coping, barely (downhill with a following wind..)  Caused in roughly equal parts by a constant background of pain, with occasional spiking, and a random November miscellany of crap.

{It’s my wedding anniversary tomorrow.  This is not something I wish to contemplate, let alone celebrate.

I’m also trying hard not to even think about Christmas.  All that family business.  After t’other week, I’m not sure I even have a family any more. I guess that’ll reduce the Christmas list nicely.  Result, maybe?

One of my Guides is self-harming, which I’ve known for a while.  I’m sad that she’s so unhappy, but actually you know, quite calm.  Other involved adults are… considerably less calm.  I am of the opinion this will not help her, but what do I know, eh?  Except I managed to out myself last week, and there was frankly hideous kerfuffle and embarrassment all round. }

Mostly I’m gazing vacantly at the horizon, letting the shapes of the hills sear themselves into my brain.  (How do people mark out their world without hills?  I have no idea.)  I have this plan germinating- a long long walk around the fringes of my world.  Up Castle Naze, along Combs Edge, to Ladder Hill, down and across to Eccles Pike, down again and up along Cracken Edge, to South Head and right across to Rushup Edge, finishing on top of Mam Tor (yeah, there’s a definite gap in the eastern edges of my mental world- I’m not sure why…)




Filed under favourite places, hills

3 responses to “skylines

  1. Sugar

    The kurfuffle won’t help your Guide as I guess it didn’t help you.
    If your pain’s spiking can you go to the doctors for some thing in the break through drug line. Constant pain isn’t fun (trust me) but the breakthrough spiking can knock you sideways. There are drugs for it.

    And you DO have family – you have the kids and you have us. We care and we’ll hold you up.

  2. Absolutely what Sugar said re family!

    And you’re probably the best person to help your Guide right now as you’ve been there and done that, and you know, and still experience, the temptation. Other people, who’ve not discovered/used/experienced (I can’t find quite the right word) that particular way of dealing with their inner pain won’t understand.

  3. Heather

    I’ve not really got any words – not useful ones anyway.

    Could your GP prescribe some decent pain relief. In my experience everything is easier to cope with when pain is controlled.

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