control

The sun is out, there’s blue sky and a dusting of snow on them there hills.

And I am failing entirely at life.   Sitting here indoors with a headful of negative thoughts whirling sickeningly, unable to move myself.

My parents are coming round later.  Bringing birthday presents.  We don’t want birthday presents.  Birthday presents cannot make it better.  Nothing makes it better, except possibly hurting myself more than they can hurt me, because at least that way I stay in control.

 

 

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “control

  1. aitchemelle

    I don’t feel that words or internet hugs are enough here but just to let you know that I, we care. Hoping that today is not as bad as you fear.
    Thinking of you xxxx

  2. Heather

    As always when it really matters I don’t have any words but I am thinking of you.

  3. If I were you, I’d go out on to the hills and leave other people to cope with your parents. If you are not in when they come, they might finally get the message?

  4. I agree with Annabel! However, no matter how it works out, we are here for you and thinking of you.

  5. dawn

    Agreeing with Annabel and Carolyn
    Sending much love and holding you in my thoughts

  6. Catriona

    Agree with Annabel, Carolyn and Dawn. Do take care.

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