Yesterday was a good day, this morning was OK, then at some point this afternoon the blackness crept back in, overwhelmingly. For no reason. That is what I hate. I can’t explain it, or control it (and I do like to be in control…) Nobody hurt me. Nothing happened so I could say, “This is the reason why I feel this way.” I so badly need there to be some logic to this, cause and effect: if you do this, then you will feel better. But I can’t find any correlation. Only guilt, and should, and failure. And that frightens me.



Filed under a little bit mad

2 responses to “irrational

  1. *Hugs*. Do go and see your doctor, or at the very least take St John’s Wort.

    • I’ve been to my doctor, and got referred back on the list for (more) talking therapy. I’m not sure it does much good, but it probably doesn’t do any harm either. In the mean time, I’m talking about it here. Or at least writing. Occasionally, I admit face-to-face in real life that I’m not doing so well. This may or may not help, but at least I like to think it’s a safeguard for my kids if people in their lives know…

      I’m wary of taking anything which will fuck with my brain chemistry still further.

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