Yesterday was a good day, this morning was OK, then at some point this afternoon the blackness crept back in, overwhelmingly. For no reason. That is what I hate. I can’t explain it, or control it (and I do like to be in control…) Nobody hurt me. Nothing happened so I could say, “This is the reason why I feel this way.” I so badly need there to be some logic to this, cause and effect: if you do this, then you will feel better. But I can’t find any correlation. Only guilt, and should, and failure. And that frightens me.