big grey

There are days when the rain hitting the window is a perfect match for your internal weather system.

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Yesterday was the most glorious blue-skied, fresh-breezed springlike day. I hated it. I felt mocked by it, closed in by these bloody hills. I just wanted to be somewhere far away, walking along a beach, alone. And at the same time, I hated myself even more, for hating this beautiful day, and failing to live it better.

I am struggling. I’m restless, but don’t have the mental energy to go anywhere. I’m lonely, but I can’t find the words to talk to anyone. I’m worried sick about the list of things that Must Be Done, but can’t organise my thoughts enough to start a task, never mind finish it…

In fact, the only thing I like about today is my knitting. I am charmed by the simplicity of the stripes, the unlikely beauty of its greyness. Most of all, I appreciate just how many mindful stitches it’s going to take me to knit myself an entire jumper on 3 mm needles.

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9 Comments

Filed under a little bit mad, crafting

9 responses to “big grey

  1. katherinea

    Grey is underrated. I am very fond of it. Not so much for moods though.

  2. dawn

    Race you to the finish – once I’ve caught up on line I’ve got to find teh stitich I dropped at the start of the garter stitch band and then pick it up – but being g stitch that’s going to be a right pain….

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