bottled up

Today I am sad.

There’s no reason for me to be sad.
I have the day off, and no obligations.
For once, it’s not raining here.
I have books, yarn, cake and friends.

But it’s not the present that makes me sad. I’m crying about the past. For all those years when I was too afraid to let myself grieve and cry.

Perhaps it’s not the passing of time that smooths those jagged edges of loss, but the salt water flowing. And maybe, after all, it’s worth feeling the pain, because when you hurt you know you are alive.

Today, I am sad. Sea green grief.




Filed under a little bit mad

6 responses to “bottled up

  1. dawn

    Holding you in my thoughts and sending love

  2. Sugar

    Sometimes the grief hits you about long past things at weird times. Take care x

  3. cara

    take care, cry, it is something you need to do, you know you can call out anytime.

  4. Viv

    So beautiful the way you put it.

  5. This too will pass: but until it does, do what you need to do *hugs*

  6. Annabel

    I think that this is very healthy. You will not really emerge from the greyness until you have looked at the past, acknowledged it, and cried about it. There are people who can help you with this if it is a Bit Much to do by yourself – bloody painful, utterly awful to do, worse than the dentist, but UNLIKE the dentist you really do feel better when it’s over!

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