This is a lonely job. Not the hours spent with children, but once I step out of the door, back into the community, I’m on my own. Working right on your own doorstep should be idyllic, but it’s dehumanising. At some point, I ceased to be me, a person in my own right, and became one of The Preschool Ladies. Or in my other (navy blue) hat, The Guide Leader.
Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do. I find it delightful and fulfilling (on a good day). But I hate the isolation. Once you spend your time bringing up people’s children, in either a paid or voluntary capacity, you become the role. Nobody sees you as a fellow parent any more. You hear their domestic dramas, and despair, but nobody listens to yours in return. Because you surrendered your right to feelings when you took on the role.
I hate it. It’s lonely. That is all. And don’t even get me started on the effect on my children.